Easter Holidays

♫♫…there's nothing sweet about me…♫♫ .... Gabriela Chilme

A few words / phrases which have been used to describe me over the years – feel free to add your own:

·         Assertive

·         Energetic

·         Bossy

·         Independent (fiercely)

·         Elemental

·         Takes no prisoners

·         Straight talking

·         No nonsense

·         Irritating

·         Loud

What?

You think that was just before the tumour?

Yes, other parts of my personality have been described as loyal, generous, loving, funny…but  when did people start expecting me to be nice? I know it is really bad of me to say this, and I know I should be more grateful, but I’M NOT DYING YET, people!  I haven't had a personality transplant, I'm still me.  Yes, I will be shameless when it comes to playing the "dying" card….but hey, so will you when I'm in the car and we use my blue badge!

I may have been filling my time baking bread and organising a wedding, but I have too much time on my hands and too many drugs in my system to be all sweetness and light. I'm the same selfish and vain individual I always was.  The rest of my brain still works, though I think it might be in serious need of some stimulation.  I'm not physically weak or incapable yet. You don't need to carry my bags; you don't need to get me a glass of water when I'm lying like a beached whale on the sofa; you don't need to wait on me hand and foot. In answer to your question, Yes, I'm tired - but apparently I'm supposed to be!  How bored with it all are you going to be when I defy all the odds and I'm still lying around like the Queen of Sheba 3 years from now?

I apologise.  I think I'm suffering what Sarah laughingly calls "roid rage".  I’ve just realised I’ve been on this rant before.  I'm sick to my back teeth of steroids. I did my best on my wedding day, but I still had a moon face and dough-girl silhouette; it doesn’t matter how many times you tell me I’m still me, I still don’t recognise my face in the mirror.  My fingers are so swollen, I couldn't and still can't get my rings on; I'm retaining so much water around my ankles and knees, I can't wear trousers I bought a month ago. I have a lovely layer of fine hair growing around my three necks, and first time in my life I had to wax my lip!  I want to cry one minute and shout the next; I want to see everyone, but I want to hide away from the world.  Oddly, I couldn't care less about my nearly bald head, but I really would like to wear my wedding ring.

Common side effects of Dexamethasone

·         Indigestion or heartburn

·         Increased appetite and weight gain

·         Swollen hands, feet or ankles from water retention

·         Increased risk of infection

·         Changes in blood sugar levels (risk of diabetes)

·         Changes in mood and behaviour

·         Difficulty sleeping

Rarer side effects

·         Eye problems such as cataracts, infections or glaucoma

·         Changes to your face (Cushings syndrome) - you may develop a swollen or puffy face, dark marks, acne or facial hair

·         Muscle wasting - your legs may feel weaker and walking or climbing stairs may be more difficult.

·         Weaker bones due to bone loss (osteoporosis)

·         Raised blood pressure

Of the list above, I'm suffering most of the side effects, though don't appear to have any problems with blood pressure or indigestion, and I am reducing the dose.  But all this is preparation of course....29th April is the first day of my new chemotherapy treatment. 

It will be my luck that my new five day cocktail of drugs will cause a load of swelling, and I will end up on yet more steroids.

Roll on next week......